What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize