i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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