you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
