Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
