I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
