Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
