Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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