There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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