singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He uses pillows to masturbate.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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