How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
