my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need to calm my uterus...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
