absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize