chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
only you would photoshop your dick
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
