You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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