I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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