her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
