I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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