I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
