I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
