so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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