I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize