I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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