Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
