i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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