He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
