I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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