i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
