She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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