I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
