Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
