did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
