Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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