honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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