you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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