Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
