I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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