dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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