Well douche your snatch and let's go!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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