My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Boobs are out for the taking
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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