I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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