No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
