just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
