Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
