i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
