You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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