My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
