If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
