i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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