then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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