Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i drank out of a bidet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
