So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
