Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
