No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
