Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
