He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
