Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize