Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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