I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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