Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Randomize
