3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
